she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
