i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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