my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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