he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
