The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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