Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
