We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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