Who wears a wallet chain?!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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