i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize