Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
