Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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