but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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