theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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