Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
