Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
