Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
