Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
smell my finger.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
