You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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