You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
