He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
