Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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