K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
