I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We left an ass print on the piano.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
