I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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