just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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