Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
