Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
