Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
