after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Randomize
