i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
