he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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