That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize