I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
