It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
