he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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