Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
we made out on top of his cat.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The best revenge is premature balding
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize
