Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
