Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
