1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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