Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
