Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
