and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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