I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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