Don't make out with my wife yet
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
