and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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