remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
