he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
