Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
