Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
