I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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