he told me I talked like a deaf person
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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