Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
