im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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