just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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