So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
