Non-Jews are for practice
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Rumble strips road head = magical
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
