you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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