Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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