I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
