after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Everyone says I win the strip club
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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