So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize