Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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