I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Randomize
