Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Oh god it's open bar.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize