Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
