wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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