He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
