I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
