oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
