The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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