These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
